Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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