I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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