Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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