Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
