i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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