I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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