I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
