Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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