bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
