So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Houston, we have a blender
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize