worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
