you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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