you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
