I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just cropdusted the office
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
