I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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