Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
