I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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