We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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