just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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