Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
