Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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