I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
