I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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