We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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