I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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