Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just pee around me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
