I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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