So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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