Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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