do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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