you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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