I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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