Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
