Someone shit on the floor
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
