we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
