thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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