I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Duck Duck Cougar?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
