Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
