Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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