No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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