when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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