I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Text me some of your sweat
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
