I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
