I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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