Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
