i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize