You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
