dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
