Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
my liver is dry heaving
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
