fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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