My Higher Power is John Stamos
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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