she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
