Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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