you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
