my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
