ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
