Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
