Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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