So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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