Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
