woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
