Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
