Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
