So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
