saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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