Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is the high leading the old right now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
