I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
