i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
