I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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