Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
