Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
